When I was pregnant with Hunter, someone asked me whether I would rather my unborn daughter would grow up to be pretty or smart. When I said, “Pretty,” all present were horrified. (Or at very least, shocked that I would say such a thing.) My argument at the time dealt primarily with the premise that smart people weren’t necessarily happy, and, that pretty people did tend to have an easier time of things. I’m not sure that I’m wrong.
At Hunter’s baby shower, our friend Denise gave us a card in which she wrote, “Hopefully your daughter will be pretty and smart,” and we all had a good laugh. But, I’m still not sure that I’m wrong.
Now, whenever Hunter does something particularly thick, like being unable to locate the bright orange Crocs that are sitting on the floor right behind her, Michael or I will tell her, “Aw, you’re pretty.”
The only reason I bring this up, is that I had a very interesting conversation with my new OBGYN this morning. I’m sixteen weeks and three days pregnant, my blood pressure is “excellent”, the sea monkey’s little heart is beating away, and I’ve gained another eight pounds. I’ve also, at his direction, been taking fish oil supplements. The purpose of these fish oil supplements is to provide omega-three fatty acids to the sea monkey, because “studies have shown” doing so could increase the baby’s I.Q. by an average of nine points.
Today he told me about a book by someone called Dr. Pearlmutter about raising a smarter child by kindergarten. Apparently, Dr. Pearlmutter claims that a child’s I.Q. can be raised by up to 30 points by making sure that the child’s diet is supplemented by omega-threes. I haven’t read the book, but it does sound interesting.
Dr. Vasquez is a very meditative man. Every word he says seems measured and well considered, and, he more or less revealed to me today that he thought the world needed more smart people, because only smart people were going to solve the problems looming in the future of mankind.
Being the egalitarian public school teacher that I am, I wasn’t sure that I could agree. Intelligence is one thing, but, how many “smart” students have I had that did not realize their potential because they lacked the necessary work ethic? Or how many smart people ignore the lure of self-interest (i.e. money) and use their impressive I.Q.s for the betterment of society?
It seems to me that I.Q. isn’t the determining factor. It just speaks to a person’s potential, and, sometimes, potential is the dirtiest word in the English language. So many people, so many parents, are satisfied with just being “smart” or having “smart” children. But unless that natural intelligence is augmented with other, arguably more important, things, being smart just doesn’t cut it.
An agent of the sort of change that Dr. Vasquez spoke of should, at very least, be disciplined, driven, well-informed, thoughtful, and ethical.
I hope both of my children will grow up to be all of these things. Mostly, I hope that they will be well-adjusted. Not just pretty. Not just smart.
If only teaching my children these things was as easy as taking a fish oil supplement…
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July 16, 2008 at 3:16 pm
mark
I know how much you hate being wrong, but I’m going to post anyway. :)
I always keep in mind a quote attributed to Ashley Judd, in which she states that her parents never praised her for being pretty (and God knows they could have. Whew!). Instead, they’d always praise her for being smart. As you allude to here, it’s a matter of a parent instilling in a child the proper perspective. Good things happen to you in your life not because of how you look, but because of how you treat others.
This is a stats problem. There’s always going to be a percentage of any given pool of human beings who are self-centered and/or evil, whether they’re pretty or smart. I’d rather see an increase in the pool of smart people than pretty people (though I don’t advocate an overall population increase). That’ll mean an increase in selfish smart people, of course, but it’ll also increase the number of smart people who go on to do good with their brains. People who are only pretty are useless, and once their beauty fades (as it will), they’re left with nothing. Marilyn Monroe, anyone? Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.
Also, I’d run — not walk — from the office of any Ob/Gyn or pediatrician who touted studies about IQ. What a sham. A 30-point IQ difference amounts to the difference between flipping burgers at Hardee’s and flipping burgers at Wendy’s, if IQ meant anything in the first place.
Lastly, in answer to the whereabouts of smart people who ignore the lure of money and pursue the betterment of society, here’s a pretty good list:
http://www.ted.com/
For starters. It’s a *slightly* longer list than that of former Miss Universe Pageant winners who’ve done anything useful.
July 16, 2008 at 5:18 pm
hillmanfamily
I know, it’s a stupid argument.
I also know that I am smart enough to be fairly annoyed by people more often than I would like, and, I don’t really want that for my children. (Maybe that speaks to a different flaw in my character than intelligence… hmm.)
And, “pretty” doesn’t necessarily mean “stupid”…
P.S. Do you think you could talk your wife into adding a warning label to some of her posts…? I am horrified for the experience of her friend, but, I really don’t need to be reading stuff like that right now.
July 18, 2008 at 2:34 pm
mark
I think it’s safest to *always* approach our blog with caution. Because you never know….